What’s cookin good lookins,

Welcome to the 32 class acts who joined the gang this week!

• 3️⃣ Match Day Three Recap

• 🇺🇸 Pulisic Madness

• ➡️ Yedlin to Cincy

• 😆 Minnesota United Social

• ⚽️ Goal of the Week

• 🤣 Meme of the Week

Match Day Two Recap

Blizzard Game ❄️ 

Real Salt Lake beat LAFC 3-0 in one of the wildest games in recent MLS history. The game was delayed two hours due to lightning strikes, then halted again in the 4th minute, and finally resumed only for a blizzard to torment the players all game. This brought back memories of the ‘Snow Classico’ World Cup qualifier back in 2013. Unsurprisingly, LAFC head coach Steve Cherundolo was not happy after the game saying, “It was an absolute joke we had to play today. The game should have been called off.”

Hugo Lloris spent 12 years in the Premier League, came to sunny SoCal, and then got dumped on in his second game. Wonder what was going through his head. Now we know why the MLS will never go to a European schedule.

Miami Dominate Orlando 🌴 

The old Barca chemistry oozed on the pitch in this one. Suarez scored his first MLS goal in the fourth minute and followed it up with a second seven minutes later. Messi added a brace in the second half. Days after Tata Martino expressed worry about the team being too reliant on Messi they proved that they can create chances with others, although Messi's goals were the icing on the cake for this Florida Derby.

Replacement Refs Again 🏁 

Let’s be honest, Sporting Kansas City got robbed of a win. This video shows the ball clearly go off a Union player but is ruled a Philadelphia ball and quickly leads to a corner and goal from Alejandro Bedoya. Not only that but it was already past the four minutes of stoppage time. Peter Vermes did not mince his words in his post-game press conference. He actually said the replacement refs have done a good job overall this season but remained frustrated that these bad calls continue to happen.

New Look Red Bulls 📈 

The Red Bulls have four points off two roadies led by a couple of Swedish imports. We all know about Emil Forsberg creative capabilities in the attack but 21 year-old center back Noah Eile has looked tremendous so far. He’s completing 7.56% more passes than expected through two games which is the most among center-backs in the MLS. The Red Bull’s historically direct approach now looks a bit more aesthetically pleasing.

And boy does Houston miss Hector Herrera badly.

Comeback in Portland 🪓 

The Timbers were up 2-0 in the 70th minute at home and… tied. Diego Chara was called for a handball in the box while throwing his arm up to signal for offsides. DC capitalized from the spot and then 18-year-old homegrown Kristian Fletcher who’s back from his loan with Swansea tied it up in the 82 min. Big road point for DC United.

Oh Captain, My Captain

You hear that sound? That’s the sound of Italians all over Rome spitting out their morning cappuccinos in protest of Christian Pulisic. Captain America drew not one, but two red cards over the weekend against Lazio. Lazio finished with only eight men after a third red. After the game, Pulisic received a barrage of death threats via his social media account.

Pulisic’s recent Instagram post shows his teammates commenting support and protection, with Theo Hernandez saying, “Puliiii I am your security”. Sounds kind of like the protection we’ve seen Messi get from teammates over the years.

Quietly, somehow, Pulisic is having the best season of his career. He ranks 5th in the Serie A in per-90-min attacking contribution, only behind players like Lautaro Martinez and Olivier Giroud. He’s already played 1,838 minutes in 23 starts for Milan which is almost as much as his combined 2,011 domestic minutes in his last two seasons at Chelsea.

Ohh and our boy has got that dawg in him 🐕️ 

Yedlin to Cincinnati

The USMNT right-back returns to the state he played his college ball in. Miami dealt him for $172k in general allocation money and freed up $683k in salary while opening a senior max slot. The Herons will likely move Julian Gressel into right back with Federico Redondo taking his place in the midfield.

Yedlin will slot perfectly into the right wingback role for the 3-5-3 that Cincy plays. The reigning Supporters Shield winners have reloaded and will once again be a favorite in the eastern conference.

Minnesota United Social Media Hire

We’d like to formally promote whoever runs Minnesota’s social media.

The MLS needs more of this.

Goal of the Week

Cheeky chip and the fake injury celly 😮‍💨 

Meme of the Week

Cheers to the other sicko’s out there

Quick Hits

• Sergino Dest named to Eredivisie Team of the Month four months in a row (Link)

• Charlotte FC finalizing a deal for Celtic winger as a young DP (Link)

• Seattle Sounders attacker Pedro de la Vega will be out 6-8 weeks due to a hamstring injury (Link)

• Real Salt Lake sign Diego Luna to a new long-term contract (Link)

• Nashville SC sign Hany Mukhtar to a new long-term contract (Link)